I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
