The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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