so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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