and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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