why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
