She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
