I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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