fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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