so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
