the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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