I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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