Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
