I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
being pregnant is like rehab
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
