I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mouth tastes like poor choices
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize