Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
