The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
