My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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