a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
