While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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