I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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