Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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