Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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