he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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