He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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