I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
