it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
His nipple licking is glorious
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