I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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