I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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