There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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