I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
