I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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