fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
