I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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