update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
