its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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