My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
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If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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