Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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