Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its not stalking. its research.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
