Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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