He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
