Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we're so committed to being not committed
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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