i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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