I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A+ Viking dick
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
