He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
