we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
