ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
