dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
