YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
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