the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
