I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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