i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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