I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
