Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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