she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
