I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
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