apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
