Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
