he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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