I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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