This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
