pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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