YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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