Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
