are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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