i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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