I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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