The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
