I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
