i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
